HEY, WILD CHILD
This past month I took a big leap went to the world-renowned Spirit Junkie Masterclass by Gabby Bernstein.
I’ve been following her work for years and she’s given me so much inspiration to live my purpose in my own way. For years now, I’ve been wanting to go to the Spirit Junkie Masterclass but every year an excuse like: “It’s not the right time”, “I don’t have the money right now” would win over my desire.
This year, however, something magical happened.
Gabby sent her first email announcing the masterclass and before I knew what was happening, I had already run to get my credit card and enrolled. I didn’t even see the date, I didn’t even pay attention to what I was doing and that’s how I knew something big would come out of it.
To keep it short, during the Q&A I asked Gabby how could I heal once and for all my fear of shining. She asked me to go deep and take you guys with me on my healing journey, so, here it is, my bare and vulnerable exploration:
WHY AM I AFRAID TO SHINE
At a period in my life in which I was teaching, I had completely taken the stage of my life and felt amazing doing what I love. Every opportunity that came along, I would take because I just felt so right.
My business grew, my message spread and I had never felt better.
But then, someone very important to me was rubbed the wrong way by it all. At the time I never understood why or how this friends perspective of me had completely changed overnight and how much rage existed behind their words.
I felt so broken. This person who I considered my friend made it their mission to spread the word around of how much of a fraud I was.
It felt like a fall from grace. I felt confused, ashamed, abandoned and punished. I took it as personal as I could’ve taken it. Worst of all, I started to believe that what this person said about me was true.
In the meantime, the fear of shining and being seen snuck in through the back door silently.
I began to seek distance from people. I began to gain weight. I began to fear connecting with my own tribe.
This had broken my heart and there was still a part of me who believed it was somehow my fault.
This fear kept implying that to be in a public eye, you had to be perfect. Otherwise, any mistake you make, even those you’re not even aware of, could bring heartache. This fear was sneaky and while I was trying to access joy, he was taking all of my pictures off of social media. He began hiding through nicknames, removing my face from my website and getting me away from my tribe. This fear would whisper how dangerous it was to trust others, to put myself out there and to be seen. This fear kept saying that if I chose to shine, I would lose those I love.
This fear tricked me into rejecting opportunities, procrastinating and falling into separation. The worst thing about it all and the only reason why this fear managed to do all this was because…
I would hear gossip about me and with every fear-based thought, my inner child was wounded.
I began to resent being of service.
Before, out of love I would spread my message and try to reach and help as many people as possible but then, I began to believe this was the reason for my pain.
If I hadn’t maybe life would be easier, maybe it would be better.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
THE THREE THINGS I DIDNT KNOW BACK THEN THAT I KNOW NOW
1. People won’t see you as you are, they’ll see you as they are.
Out there in the world, there are tons of people suffering. They suffer quietly, within the privacy of their minds and hearts. The light people see in you is a reflection of their light and the darkness they see in you is a reflection of their own darkness.
Everyone has insecurities, fears, and triggers and it is pointless to try to understand every person’s opinion of you. It is theirs to have. Through the years, I examined my intentions and who I am, only to find I feel profoundly grateful and proud to be me and feel so strongly about being of service. This will trigger people. It’s inevitable.
People who would love to be empowered or strong or shining might feel all sorts of emotions and project them on to you. This is not their fault. This is not your fault. This is just the way it is. By shining and being of service, you help them heal. If they wish to explore why you trigger them, they will find behind the trigger a powerful gift but if they don’t, someone else will come along to trigger them until they understand their wound.
It’s not personal. It is never personal.
2. Being of service is not optional, it is our responsibility.
There are far more people out there hurting than healing. You don’t have to be an expert, you don’t have to be in any way close to perfect and you do not have to have it all figured out. A smile to a stranger, a hug to someone who needs it and words of wisdom can heal.
Your soul will guide you to the form of service you should commit to, it will feel like a longing for something. It can be as small as a smile and as big as becoming a full-blown spiritual activist. Only remember, as Gabby Bernstein says, it’s not about you. It’s about the message needing to come through you.
3. To understand means to heal
When we understand where certain behaviors are coming from is way easier to eradicate them and choose love instead. During this healing process, I have found so much behind what I understand as “fear of shining”. Here are a few examples of all that’s been brewing under the surface for me.
- Fear of being in danger
- Fear of being made fun of
- Fear of being rejected
- Fear of being abandoned
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of being criticized.
A big one I discovered through the Masterclass was a very deep feeling of being unworthy to represent the light of the universe. Feeling unworthy of spreading a message of love and Spirit.
The reason why I tell you all of this in this way is that I have hopes to give your hidden fears a voice and help you recognize them too.
When we step into our power, when we shine our brightest and loudest in the name of love, we soon realize there’s never being anything to fear. By connecting to our authentic truth in that magnitude we truly understand how supported and loved we truly are. The universe is there, waiting eagerly for us to open the door and receive all the abundance, love and happiness waiting.
So I invite you today to choose love. If you’ve been meaning to spread your message and shine your light, choose one tiny action that will take you closer.